Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
