bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
