His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
