I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
