Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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