90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like the curious george of whores
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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