i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
