I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
