You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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