when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
