how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
