R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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