new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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