my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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