I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I am naked and annoyed.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
