Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
