I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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