after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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