we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
