My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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