I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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