Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
