Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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