I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
