Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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