Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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