Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
