I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
