Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
