This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
