why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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