I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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