Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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