omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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