I wanna bring you to show and tell
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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