There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
