Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
