she sounds like chewbacca in bed
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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