We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
