An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
is it fun? or sober?
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