I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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