At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
