once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
