ya dads aren't the best wingmen
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
