Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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