I hate your face
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
