I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
