i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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