I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
two words: eviction party
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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