I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
