I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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