Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
