If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
