I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
