Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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