When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
