WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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