Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
