RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
