Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
