bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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