dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
