Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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