if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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