new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
