I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You are a genius and a whore.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
