so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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