Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
