I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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