i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
