hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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