I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize