Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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