My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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