We won't sleep together?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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