I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize