how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize