this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
