Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
