how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
