im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
