I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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